Friday, January 6, 2012

Getting Through that First Year of Marriage - Part 1


The first year of marriage can be so painful that divorce seems like the only escape. That's why more people divorce in the first year of marriage than any other. But the first year can also be a couples' best year of marriage. From my perspective, this is also a tragedy because it means the remaining years are not as good.
One of the most important things that a couple must do from throughout their marriage is to continue to date each other!  Unless you take time to "date" after marriage, you will probably not be able to meet the needs that were met before your were married. If your emotional needs are affection, conversation, and recreational companionship, which were among those that you met for each other before marriage, those needs will stop being met if you don’t make dedicated time in your schedule to be with each other.
Many women consider affection and conversation as emotional foreplay for sexual fulfillment. If you do not spend much time talking to each other, and being affectionate, it is almost a guarantee you that your sexual relationship will suffer, too.
A date should be the time you set aside to meet each other's important emotional needs. Be enthusiastic about what you have planned to do together. If either of you think the time together is a waste of time, more than likely you are not meeting each other's needs.
When you dated before marriage, what you did on dates caused you to fall in love with each other. You need to continue to do the same thing now, or you will lose the feeling of love that contributes to you believing that your love is unconditional.
Your dates don't need to be exactly what you did before marriage. In fact, you may be able to meet each other's needs without actually "going out." But if you stay home, be careful that your time home together doesn’t turn into working on personal projects. Even if your children are married and out of the house, go out to give each other the attention you both need.
When you look at your schedules, you may find that there is no time for dates. Solution…put the dates in first, and then schedule everything else around them!  You will have solved your scheduling problem.
You may find that your dates don’t meet your needs the way it did before you were married. If you find yourself in this boat, then keep doing something different until your needs are met. You both are dynamic beings and you will constantly be changing.  What worked at one point in time may not always continue to work.
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